further ruminations of a motorcyclist

since my last post i've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a motorcyclist, and how it fits into my life. toying with the idea of selling my bike is a little frightening, not just because i love her and would be sorry to give her up. it would represent a huge shift in how i identify myself.

i've realized just how much being a motorcyclist has helped shape my identity. many of my lifestyle decisions revolved around their practicality and/or use on bikes. my leather jacket is still my go-to, for instance. the other day when i didn't feel like wearing it, i realized i didn't really have another mid-weight jacket. over the years i've just gotten rid of everything else, because i never wore them.

this is just one example, but it's a good one to examine. the leather jacket is perhaps the most iconic piece of gear associated with bikers out there, both stylistically and practically. the fact that it has become my first and (almost) only jacket is telling to me. i've spent a long time honing my personal style, and much of it has, for better or worse, revolved around the jacket. i know much of this must seem superficial, and at times maybe it is, but feeling true to myself is very important to me, and the feeling of putting on airs or representing something i'm not is the number one way to make me uncomfortable in any given situation. and yes, clothing and style factor into this. i've posted before about the aesthetic of motorcycling, and for the most part i've used that aesthetic to help define my style. i do like it, but i feel it occasionally limits me. when you only have one choice, what do you do when it doesn't feel right?

i guess for me, all of these ideas; personal aesthetic, style, identity, are all wrapped up in one package. one could call it holistic identity. if i'm a motorcyclist, i'm a motorcyclist. if i'm not, then what am i doing dressing like one? i know, i'm horrible at compartmentalizing these different aspects of my life, but i can't really help it. further manifestations of my OCD. i can't be half one thing and half another, or my brain will force me to create a split and drive one out. does this mean i can't be a part-time motorcyclist? i'm not sure. but the longer i use it to define aspects of my identity, the harder it becomes to reverse the flow, and change that definition, even if it feels right.

i mentioned complacency in my last post as well, which is another fear of mine. i hate the idea of waking up one morning and discovering that i've phoned in the last 15 years, or even the last few months. i am constantly reevaluating my needs, passions, desires, because if i don't i fear i will no longer do things because i truly want to or need to, but because they are comfortable, easy, routine. i need to live consciously, every day, and this means making hard decisions, not taking anything for granted. i suppose the danger in this is dooming myself to a cycle of never being completely satisfied, but better constantly striving for fulfillment than being content with just-good-enough, right?

apparently, it's easy to get philosophical off the bike, too.

i sign off every post with "ride fast, take chances". i think occasionally i forget what this means when i write it. live deep, live purposefully. live intentionally. don't settle. don't give in, and never give up. it's the constant search for improvement, without sacrificing your enjoyment during the process. you can have everything on paper, but if you aren't enjoying it, what do you really have?

i think i need to go for a ride.

rftc,

scott