Sunday, October 28, 2012

a humbling ride

it's easy to get philosophical on a bike. there's something about the ride that gets your mind working, thinking on things bigger than just your destination. it can be nice. or, depending on the ride, not so nice.

last night was the first time in a long time that i didn't feel quite safe on my bike. i was riding home across I-90 after a party, and it was not what i would call a fun experience. there were too many factors combined that led to a really nasty ride. it had been raining most of the day (though it wasn't raining on my way home), it was somewhat cold, but most importantly, it was very windy. gusty, to be specific. i've ridden in most types of nasty weather there is, and i have to say, gusty wind is the worst. i knew i was in trouble when, heading toward the freeway on mercer island, i could see the traffic lights dancing and bobbing in the wind, and the leaves on the street (also not fun) whipping up from the wet pavement. and i got what i expected. sporadic gusts, from all directions, spraying water across an already wet bridge is not a fun way to travel. especially on a bike as light as vixen, with the roads already being slick, one unexpected burst would send me almost into the other lane, occasionally losing tire traction in the process. you don't normally find me riding in 5th gear in the slow lane, but last night i was just trying to ride straight until i made the tunnel.

i did make it home without incident, but not without getting philosophical. i think i felt unsafe for several reasons. partially because of the weather conditions, sure, but also because i'm out of condition. i don't ride much these days. i walk to work, to the grocery store, and anywhere else on the west side of the bridge, i'll often take my bicycle. this is the first time this year i've really ridden in bad weather, and i'm out of practice. it's mostly a mental thing, but that type of thing is very important while riding. one of the things i like about motorcycles is that you can't phone it in. most riders are safer than most drivers, merely because they have to concentrate on what they're doing, or they'll crash. it's not an option.

but, for the same reason, you have to be in the right mindset to ride confidently, especially in inclement weather. i realized last night how little i ride these days, even during the summer. i don't necessarily think this is a bad thing as part of the big picture, but my lack of confidence made me think. how much do i have to ride to be considered a "motorcyclist"? once a week? once a year? i don't think there's a set number of rides you need to hit, again it's more of a mindset. it's how it fits into your life. when i made the conscious decision to give up my car, i also made the conscious decision to identify as a motorcyclist. i still do, but maybe not as much. i'm a walker, a bicyclist, an urban dweller, as well as a motorcyclist. i try to live consciously and deliberately. i live simply. how does my bike fit into all this? can it fit into my life in the same way?

i have a good friend on my hurling team who suffered a pretty serious head injury in early september. he's going to be fine, though the recovery is a long one, but he has said he will most likely not play anymore. it's just not worth the risk. this was the other side of the coin last night; how much of this is worth the risk? during a ride like last night, you can't help but ponder the what-ifs, and questioning the risks. how much is it worth it? are the rides worth the risks? there are experiences on a bike i wouldn't trade for anything, but are the good rides good enough? are the bad rides bad enough to change your mind? or your life?

i've been going through a lot of transition recently in my life, and it's caused me to question just about everything. i've been trying to figure out what i need to live a complete life, and what is just excess or, worse, what is detracting from my experiences. nothing has been too sacred to be put on trial, and motorcycling is no different. i've pondered before about selling vixen after realizing how little i need her living in the city. that was a practical and economical debate. this is more psychological, philosophical, temporal. right now i have no answers and, as you can see, plenty of questions. nothing is changing, but everything is up in the air. it's an interesting place to be. a little scary, kind of freeing, but reassuring that i'm not living complacently. i'm not phoning it in.

my philosophy in life has always been: it's not what you can live with, it's what you can't live without. this rarely leads to the easy path, but it's always the more satisfying journey. and that's all we have, really.

stay tuned.

rftc,

scott

No comments:

Post a Comment