well, i've been home a little over a month now. hard to believe it's actually been that long. part of me feels like i just got back, and part of me feels like the trip was a year ago. that's the way things go, i guess.
i've had plenty of time to reflect on things about the trip and, more to the point, about life here now that i've been back. i'm a little disappointed in how quickly i somehow managed to get back into the swing of things. i feel like i've already lost a lot of the stress-free attitude i carried throughout my trip. real life has a way of crashing back in on you in an awful damn hurry. kind of sad, in a way.
i haven't been riding that much either. this is a mixed bag of a statement, because i've partially not been riding because i haven't felt like it. when i first got back, i was still psyched about the bike and riding and the whole experience, but things have a way of wearing on you. yes, the weather has been playing a factor and there have been a few times i haven't ridden specifically because of the temperature or the road conditions, but there have been far more morning where i just didn't feel like getting on the bike, and i couldn't think of a reason not to take the car.
part of this is my current living situation. i have determined (or rather, admitted to myself) that as long as i live on the eastside, i will probably need a car. the public transportation sucks, and the bridges make things feel much further away than they really are. more to the point, you cannot get anywhere without jumping on the freeway, and freeway travel adds new factors when riding (temps, weather, clothing, etc).
part of this is also just my motivation. all the little things about riding i loved during my trip: the gear, the checkpoints, the rituals of getting ready have suddenly become nuisances when i apply them to my everyday life. it's a real hassle to put on full riding gear when you are taking it off again 30 minutes later at work. when you have multiple locations to get to, that just multiplies the time it takes to get going, and those few minutes to get that extra layer on, or take on and off your helmet take it's toll. plus, and i know this may seem shallow, i feel a little ridiculous sometimes wearing my raingear everywhere. if i stop at the coffee shop at the way home, it means i take up half a bench with my coat, pants, helmet, gloves, sweatshirt and bag. and my boots aren't always the most comfortable for just hanging out. it can be very limiting.
i know this all sounds like a bunch of complaining, and really i'm not trying to. i know all this stuff is voluntary; no one is forcing me to ride a motorcycle at all, much less in seattle in the winter. it's more analysis of what my thought process has been over the past few weeks. what does it all mean? i'm not sure yet. maybe it just means i won't be commuting in winter as much (even more so, since we'll be freezing early this year, it was already in the 30s last night). on a larger scale, i've been wondering where i place motorcycling in my life's priorities. of all the aspects of my life i've been reevaluating, this one was the last piece to come into play, mostly because it was a motorcycling trip that caused this mini-revelation/reevaluation i've been going through. but if i'm being honest with myself, i need to examine that part as well, and it may not be as high as i thought.
it wouldn't be the end of the world, if i wasn't a "biker", but just someone who rode a motorcycle every now and then. in some ways i might feel like i was letting myself down a bit, after my trip. it was such a positive experience, and now here i am cutting back on the source of that optimism. it's a tough one, that's for sure. but i've done something most people will never do and i came out the better for it. it's taking me a little time to figure out exactly how, but i'm getting there. and there will always be sacrificed to be made. it's just a matter of being brutally honest with myself and following through. whenever i'm editing my writing, i'm always reminding myself that nothing is sacred, nothing is so important as to sacrifice the whole for one single part. if only i can apply that to my life, i'll be getting somewhere. we'll just have to wait and see.
until next time,
rftc,
scott
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